VSX, A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist: Starbuck Powersurge - a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of Viper Squad Ten, a long-disbanded group of stranded timetravelling troubadours, formed to help finance repairs to their time-machine. Now very much stuck in C21...
All text is copyright the Viper Squad Ten blog team 2003-2006 unless otherwise quoted or credited. If we've not credited you properly, please let me know. Throw us a link if you're desperate enough to use this guff...
Christ on a bike!
I'm afraid it's time for a self-centred whinge. Wait, you're reading a blog - that's just what you'll be expected. Heh.
It's stupid. I sit driving in my car after work, my over-tired, frazzled mind sparking up ideas of what I "need" to moan about, and as soon as I open Blogger's text editor it feels like a blockage has been removed from my brain, and I feel utterly fine again. GOT.... TO.... RETURN.... MYSELF..... TO...... MISERY.....
.... "Carol Thatcher"...... There, that should do it.
It's been no wonder I've felt in need of release. Too long without a holiday, too hectic at work just now, too much insecurity in the world.
I guess it could be worse. At least I'm in work. My mate Cazza has just been made redundant from Merck Sharp and Dohme Research Laboratories (Neuroscience Research Centre). What a pisser. Cazza occasionally pops by these pages (she calls it "my blogspot" - ah, bless the non-bloggers out there; however, Starbuck now ponders: "blogspot" - it is admitedly a frucking stupid domain name, let's face it), so may I just shout this out "Hiya Cazza. Don't you worry. Being made redundant was the high-point of one of my jobs. Just think - you can now get a cheap "leisure card" for those trips to your local municipal amenities, and just think about all that Diagnosis Murder you'll be able to watch. Or you could be like me: self-teach yourself basic C++ for no apparent reason. Good for party tricks."
Harumph. Here's me using my time on VSX to contact my RL friends 'cos I can't find the time any other time. Something wrong there. Not enough time. Crikey, I'm still flapping around helplessly in the flurry of self-pity that I launched Friday night.
But it's true what I wrote. I miss the regular doses from my blogroll that enrich my life. I miss you Astolath. Where have you been soaring lately, Birdy? Bob, I want you back. I miss the transport to London from Harriet. Jen, I hope all is well. Max, when I met your blog it was moider! Keep the Bristol Massive flag flying for me, Psychbloke. I need the Workday Timer more than ever right now, Rob"> - thanks for the coding. I miss your chuckles, Ron (you should join the Elliot Brothers!) Saturnyne, I really am running out of these follow-up lines! I miss Susan's sunshine. Tam, Tam, wherefore art thou Tam? Hope you're writing those Matrix prequels, Tom...
Sob. It'd be easier if I blogged in work-time, but time is tight, and Starbuck is conscientious.
Still, life's going well on the whole, aside from one or two minor botherations. No positive news to report on the house as yet. However they do say that no news is good news. Or it would be if it weren't for the odd bit of no-good news that crackles over our newswire. In addition to the possibility of sulphate attack, the latest Environmental Search result: Natural subsidence and land instability, floodplain, Local Authority Pollution Prevention Control sites, abstraction and discharge to the watercourse, action against waste disposal sites, industrial sites with potentially contaminative land use, mineral extraction sites, new pipeline developments, etceterbleedinra. Yikes!
Whatever happens happens. At least we're getting the storage heater fixed next week in our curently-very-cold rented accommodation!
And whilst I'm wittering on in the chipper manner that I hadn't intended, a quick review of Stewart (Don't shout "TMWRNJ") Lee, whose 90s Comedian tour myself and Mrs Powersurge recently witnessed. Flipping marvellous. I've always liked Mr Lee's work, and indeed he feels that this was the "best reviewed show of the 2005 Edinburgh Fringe". And as a frustrated old nonbeliever in holy ghosts and the like, I'm always delighted when comedians guve a kickig to the Big Stern Guy in the Sky, and SL has more reason than most after the unwarranted cries of blasphemy orchestrated by Christian Voice over his production of Jerry Spring The Opera. The setpiece of his show was an epic shaggy dog story charting how the stress brought on by the hate campaign had led him off the rails mentally, and exacerbated by a bad barley wine experience at a pub near his mother's, he had his own vision of being led home by Jesus Christ. Unfortunate then that the story ended up with him pissing the vomit out of the gaping anus of Christ...! He was even sick on his mother's Cat's Feet Towel!
Very fracking funny, and a necessary, well-reasoned response to the antillectual bullies of the Unenlightened. IMHO. TMWRNJ.
However funny it could possibly have been, however, it couldn't ever be even half as funny as this old flyer for a show by Lee's former comedy partner, Richard Herring. Sorry Stew.
Anyway, that's enough words spent by a man at the end of his retinal tether. No time to tell you about my theories regarding how ongoing changes to the nipsy affect one's anal chords when it comes to the farting process (and I've been meaning to return to this since March last year!)
Those 942 words have knackered me out. I think that VSX will probably be turning all photobloggy for a few weeks...
Watching Damon Allbran & Jamie Hewlett out of Gorillaz on Jonathan Ross tonight made me feel old and strangely cheated.
Not that the Gorillaz are anything but utterly brilliant - Demon Days is a stunning album.
But I was a big fan of Jamie Hewlett & Alan Martin's Tank Girl comic strips as a kiddie, and they pretty much shaped my attitude as a student, pre the shite Deadline-sinking movie. Students are idiots.
And so I felt that I had formed an un-"fingerable" affinity with Jamie. In the same way as one feels a bond with those "celebrities" (favourite formative comedians, musicians, Digitiser journalists, Noel Edmonds) who have shaped your personality, I felt that Hewlett was a part of me. Sort of.
But he just wasn't the person I thought he was. No offence meant to Me Hewlett - I know I'm beginning to sound like Jed the obsessive fan from I'm Alan Partridge - and I'm sure I'd like him a lot more as he appears to be as opposed to the creation of my adolescent mind.
I'm just pointing out the wrongness in the thinking that these people belong to us "fanatics". Sometimes it's painfully obvious how little further we've progressed up the evolutionary tree from the other primates. We're all self-serving, tribe-protecting creatures of instinct.
Hmmm. I think I'd better go for a lie down. Too much Spunk beer perhaps.
The benefits of blog silence
Probably a good job that I've had too much on my plate to hold the blogging torch properly aloft this last few weeks.
Just found myself tempted to write the following; tempted, but I saw sense:
"Tipsy, alone, and with an unexpected two-way jet causing toilet-time laundry chaos"
You don't need to read this stuff. Thankfully common sense prevailed, and I kept schtum.
Still, even if my fingers haven't been in it, my heart's still been there. I've been wondering what my blogpals have been up to. I've been planning all sorts of internetic compositions. But time and space have precluded my involvement in such japes.
And on that defeatest note, I'm off to collapse in front of Ross on the box. Pyjama pyjama.
The Festive Fifty
Because everyone loves a good list, I bring to you... Starbuck's Christmas & Birthday Wishlist courtesy of Amazon!
Music AFX - Hangable Auto Bulb Animal Collective - Feels Aphex Twin - I Care Because You Do Aphex Twin - Richard D. James Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works Volume 2 David Holmes - This Films Crap Lets Slash The Seats David Holmes Presents The Free Association DJ Shadow - The Private Press Eels - Blinking Lights and Other Revelations Fluke - Risotto Fluke - Puppy Fluke - Six Wheels On My Wagon Gang Of Four - Return The Gift Hard Fi - Starts of CCTV Kate Bush - Aerial KLF - White Room Lord Of The Rings: Complete Trilogy soundtrack [boxed set] Mogwai - Happy Songs for Happy People Mr Scruff - Keep It Unreal Orbital II (the brown album) Public Enemy - It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back Radiohead - Com Lag (import) Run The Road Volume 2 Sigur Rós - ( ) Sigur Rós - Ba Ba Ti Ki Di Do Sigur Rós - Agaetis Byrjun Sons & Daughters - The Repulsion Box System of a Down - Hypnotize The Orb - Bicycles & Tricycles The Orb - Orbvs Terrarvm The Orb - U.F.Orb The Prodigy: Their Law - The Singles 1999 ? 2005 We Are Scientists - Love & Squalor William Shatner - Has Been Wolf Parade - Apologies to the Queen Mary Books The "League of Gentlemen" Scripts and That Louis Theroux - The Call Of The Weird Robin Cooper - The Timewaster Letters DVD Apocalypse Now Redux Curb Your Enthusiasm - Series 1 etc Doctor Who - The Complete First Series Boxset Extras Oldboy Peep Show Series 1 Peep Show Series 2 Shameless Series 1 Shameless Series 2 The Descent - DVD The Larry Sanders Show - Series 1 etc Other Robosapien version II A rackerstacker
Benevolent patrons of this blog should gmail me at Starbuck.Powersurge to make your kind offers of gifts...
Children In Need
 OK, so British readers may cringe at the very thought of Pudsey Bear (anagram "USE BAD PYRE" - oh, I wish...), and the telathon for the BBC's annual fund-raising appeal for charities working with children in the UK tends to turn into a uneasy mix of self-promoting celebrities and big businesses making the most of the opportunity to advertise on the publicly-funded BBC.
But that doesn't mean it's not a worthwhile event.
And with that in mind, I'd like to do my tiny bit by publicising the following on behalf of my friend Salsky, editor of the wonderful WeddingPath website.
Hope no one minds me forwarding this on from my good friend Sujay. I know it's late notice, but if you or a company you know are in a position to pledge a tiny bit of money for Children in Need via the WeddingPath forum on or after Friday (as detailed below), it'd be hugely appreciated.
Sarahx ----------- BBC Children In Need Friday 18th November 2005
2005 has been an eventful year for my wife and I, full of amazing highs and lows.
In February I left my job in the City to concentrate on an idea that has been bouncing around in my head for some time. I was proud to launch the online wedding portal WeddingPath.com on Valentine's Day.
Meanwhile excitement about something altogether more important was growing - my wife was expecting our first child on June 11th!!! Baby Tara arrived out of the blue, just a few days earlier on 26th May - a day which has profoundly changed our lives.
After being rushed to Hospital on a hot summer's afternoon, my wife delivered under emergency C-Section and our beautiful little girl arrived into this world. Sadly, it was over 14 minutes before Tara took her first breath. As you can imagine, this meant extensive damage to our child's health.
Baby Tara has a very short life expectancy. She spent the first four and a half months in St. Thomas Hospital where we experienced an enormous amount of support from the Neonatal Staff and Chaplain.
My wife and I knew that, however much we wanted to, realistically we could not cope with bringing Tara home as she requires 24 hour care. However we wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. We were amazingly fortunate enough to be told about, and be offered a place at Richard House Children's Hospice. Richard House Children's Hospice is a charitable organisation based in East London, and a few short weeks ago Baby Tara moved in.
Our aim now together with the fantastic staff at Richard House, is to give Baby Tara as much love, comfort, and support as we can for the rest of her life.
Many people think that charity is something given to other people, and not something they may ever need themselves. It's a very humbling experience to be told that you will be unconditionally supported throughout your darkest hours.
My wife and I feel that now is the time to give something back. After brainstorming with members of the WeddingPath community, this is what we?d like to do:
On Children In Need day (18th November) we will be asking the WeddingPath community and all our friends to ask as many people as we can to come to the site and leave a message of support for Baby Tara and other Children In Need. For each message left we will be asking companies to pledge 10 pence to the BBC Children In Need appeal. Of course the companies can put a cap on the maximum donation they can make. As a thank you we will add the names of the companies sponsoring these messages of hope to the 'Baby Tara and the Children In Need' area on the site. We will also put banners on the site for the rest of the year acknowledging the support of each company.
Please ask your company if they will consider offering support at whatever level they can. There are many children and families whose lives will be changed by this simple act. Companies (or individuals) able to support the BBC Children In Need appeal in this way should email email@example.com and let us know the name of the company, the contact person's email address and the maximum donation (this donation amount will not be made public unless specifically requested). Donations will be collected by WeddingPath shortly after November 18th, and will be forwarded directly to the BBC Children in Need appeal http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/index.shtml
VSX - an apology
It has been pointed out to me that in one of the photographs that I posted up last weekend it looks as if I've got an enormous chicken down my trousers. I am duty-bound to report that I wasn't pleased to see my fellow guests, it was just a camera in my pocket.
Especially since the daft apeth standing next to me was clenching something from beind that shouldn't be clenched in the presence of your wife!
I'm sorry for any disturbance caused.
[Derivation Footnote for young people: apeth = 'ap'orth = ha'pennyworth. Get wid da lingo, daddio.]
The League Against Tedium
Attention Scum! It's late review time. Right now I don't seem able to write about things until months after they've happened, so this review is almost happening in real-time by comparison. You'll have to wait for last year's Lake District report.
At this time last week myself and Mrs P were beetling down the motorway to watch "The League Of Gentlemen Are Behind You" at the Oxford New Theatre.
Very enjoyable should you be a LoG fan who shares my slightly-suspect taste for cheesy British pantomimes, and especially good after the interval when the "Royston Vasey Players" took over from Legz Akimbo Theatre Company's sorry efforts at a "communativety". You can imagine the amount of suspect innuendo being wrung out of every scene of "Cinder Dick Gets Wood In The Seven Pussies". Unless you haven't got the foggies what I'm on about.
Best Gentleman of the night: Mark Gatiss Runners-up: Steve Pemberton & Reece Shearsmith
Best bit: Pauline as the Dame. Least enjoyable part: The first twenty minutes, spent variously trapped in a underground tunnel queueing for Gloucester Green car park (full), looking for spaces in Worcester Park CP, and running across town with a sarnie in-hand after parking by the station. Not very funny.
I seem to be turning into a thought criminal.
Walking back from lunch today, I passed a small truck parked at the side of the road, left idling with it's engine running. It was one of these things with a bloody great vacuum pipe on the back for sucking leaves off the pavement and verge.
I would be lieing if I said that the thought didn't cross my mind of jumping, and driving off... the hose turned to "blow" mode, swinging freely round under the momentum provided by a few handbrake turns, blasting pedestrians with autumnal detritus...
Methinks too much Grand Theft Autumn in my formative years!
Spielberg watch your back
My first experiment with Google Video: HERE. It's Commander Aardvark (Armadillo? Vex?), onetime leader of Viper Squad Ten, exclusively captured at Trish & Tim's wedding. See how he writhes, helpless under the control of my dancing glasses...
And talking of Google Video, THIS deserves as wide an audience as my limited means will allow... a very nice fan video for William Shatner's wo(e)nderful version of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds...
Trish & Tim's wedding
As promised last week, and spurred on by the onlinification of wedding photos by my fellow guest Shagmatty, herewith now follows photographic evidence of the matrimony that took place last weekend between the good lady Trish and her noble groom Tim.
Those wishing to witness their wedding in fullness of size are asked to click on the images in question.
If you want to get Starbuck Powersurge involved in your business, at least run a spell-checker on your unsolicited marketing emails first...
87 The Cooperation
THE HON. SECRETARY,
WE ARE INVOLVING THE SHIPPING TRADE BUT WE DO HAVE IDEA TO HELP THE PEOPLE IN DEFFERENT WAY , THOUGH WE HAVE TO GO AHED WITH GOOD AND RELIABLE PARTNER LIKE YOUR GOOD ORGANISATION TO HELP WITH THE GENUENE POOR DESABLE PEOPLE AND TO REBUILD THEIR HOMES TO TASUNAMI EFFECTED PEOPLE OR ANY OTHER IDEA TO DEVELOP IN SRI LANKA. AS YOU AWARETHERE WARE PEOPLE IN SRI LANKA AND THE FAMILIES SOME TIMES THE WHOLE FAMILY WILL BE VERY INNOCENT AND THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY OTHER PROTECTION DUE TO THE DESABILITY AND THE POORLITY . NO BODY WILL TAKE CARE ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE.
T4 LIKE YOUR GOOD ORGANISATION THROUGH IF WE CAN SAVE THE INNOCENT DESABLE, THE TASUNAMI EFFECTED PEOPLE IN SRI LANKA THAT IS OUR PLEASURE TO HANDLE EACH AND EVERY PROJECT YOUR ORGANISATION CONDUCT.WE CAN REPRACENT YOUR ORGANISATION IN SRI LANKA.
YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS REGARD HIGHLY APPRECIATED. PLEASE SEND YOUR COMMENTS.
THANKS & RGDS
NISHAN CHANDRIKE - DIRECTOR M/S.MODLUX SHIPPING CO., (PVT) LTD. 743, BASELINE ROAD , COLOMBO 09 SRI LANKA
NB : WE DO HAVE WIDE EXPERIENCE TO HANDLE THE PROJECT CARGO LIKE TO DISTRIBUTE THE " TSUNAMI EFFECTED PEOPLE IN SRI LANKA . FOODS, MATERIALS,MECHINARY ECT.SO WE HAVE GOT THE SHEDULE FOR THE ABOVE TYPE OF A OPEARATION.
AND THE CLEARANCE , TRANSPORTATION , DISTRIBUTION CAN HANDLE FROM OUR SHIPPING COMPANY.