VSX, A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist: Starbuck Powersurge - a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of Viper Squad Ten, a long-disbanded group of stranded timetravelling troubadours, formed to help finance repairs to their time-machine. Now very much stuck in C21...
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Well actually the way your speaking your starting to sound like a squeky c**t so i suggest do you have lots of money whats that oh no well then maybe you should become a comedian you cheeky criticising and stupid starbuck s******e
May I thank the author for his or her delectable Comment. An incisive correlation between wealth and worth, and a bewildering use of asterisks ("s******e"?)
Torchwood - new series
 I like it. They make the entire second series of The All New Doctor Who an advert for the Torchwood spin-off series, get all of the kiddies involved with spotting the hidden Torchwood references seeded throughout the series, and then make the spin-off unsuitable for the little 'uns. Heh!
Violence and bad language are one thing, but I'm not sure what my nephew will make of an alien possessing a human so she can feed off the energy released in the male orgasm. I certainly wouldn't want to be watching it with him to explain the masturbating nightclub Bouncer watching the possessed human literally shagging her hapless prey to death, or what she was doing to the sperm donors at the clinic...
Whatever, this man-size viewer thought it was utterly brilliant! I just hope it doesn't make Doctor Who start to look a little tame, considering that also prides itself on its scares.
Thinly veiled hypocrisy
Old VSX hands will know my harshly-rational opinions on those affiliated (afflicted?) with religion. Nothing to add to that here - I'll spare your well-jointed noses.
Whatever your views on religion, what's really narking me off right now is the current debate on the Muslim veil.
The "debate" as it stands is being drowned out by the illiberal rantings coming from the media and opportunist politicians, yet another excuse for thinly-veiled Islamophobia.
I tell you, its enough to make me this non-Muslim want to go for Hajj.
And that is the point. Everything is becoming more polarised.
The fact that the soundtrack goes all Eastern (Near / Middle as opposed to Far) whenever there's an Islamist slant to the storyline.
Its a lazy broadbrush stereotype - perhaps a cinematic attempt to fathom the zen-like thought trance within the hypnotised mind of the suicide bomber, but both wrong and unneccesary. And it brings to my mind the kebab shop down the road (another broadbrush stereotype, I know, but I'm not a spy drama.)
Aside from that, brilliant soundtrack.
The non-appliance of science. Each time the techonology envelope is pushed slightly further outward, from that moment onwards I end up wondering why they don't use this incredible gadget or that handy algorhythm in future episodes.
Last series it was some amazing sort of bug that could be secreted just about anywhere that really got my goat (Gary) more than it deserved. Last night it was two things - a gamma aminobutyric acid derivative which knocks out your prey and makes them hypersuggestive when they awaken, and the two-way transmitter injected and attached to the bones of one's skull, making it invisible and utterly soundless in output.
The spectre of James Bond and his Invisible Car rises...
The sheer fact that it doesn't have Henry from Neighbours, Marcus Tandy, Jan from Howards Way, the wife of Marty Hopkirk (deceased), or Ros from Bugs in it.
Internal jukebox update
I can't make it stop... I've thought about lobotomising myself with my umbrella... someone help...
On my internal jukebox today:
The theme tune to kids TV gameshow Fun House(you know, the one starring Pat Sharp's mullet and "the twins"), mashed up with pieces of the theme to B.J. and the Bear, and climaxing with long-forgotten crappy Seventies cartoon travety Baggy Pants and the Nitwits.
My god, I must really hate myself...
Fun House... it's a whole lot of fun, prizes to be won, It's a real crazy show where anything can go. Fun House... it's a quiz, it's a race, a real wacky place, Use your body and your brain if you wanna play the game!
Da da da da he's goin' everywhere, He's B.J. McKay and his best friend Bear.
No it's BaggyPants and the... NitWits.
Incidentally, but not entirely interestingly, I've just noticed that the tune and lyrics to top sitcom Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere "bear" suspicious similarities to the themetune to BJ and the Bear...
B.J. and the Bear (music by Glen A. Larson)
Hey there where ya goin', Not exactly knowin' Who says you have to call just one place home. He's goin' everywhere, He's B.J. McKay and his best friend Bear. He just keeps on movin', Ladies keep improvin' Every day is better than the last.
New dreams and better scenes, And best of all I don't pay property tax. Rollin' down to Dallas, My wheels providin' my palace, Off to New Orleans or who knows where. Places new and ladies, too, I'm B.J. McKay and this is my best friend Bear.
He's goin' everywhere, He's B.J. McKay and his best friend Bear. He just keeps on movin', Ladies keep improvin' Every day is better than the last. Etc.
Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere (music by Peter Kay)
Don't know where we're going, Got no way of knowing, Driving on the road to nowhere
Sponging for a living, Checking out the women, Riding on the road to nowhere
And we don't take shit from anyone, The only the thing we wanna do is have some fun
I woke up in the morning Wiped my hands across my face Took a look in the mirror Everything's looking out of place Took a little shower Drank coffee from a champagne flavoured cup But before I put on my clothes I put on my Arthur Lymphatic make-up
[scene cuts to the grounds of Arthur's mansion, as the longful transvestite skips through the gardens, stopping occasionally to smell the flowers]
[repeat first verse]
Arthur Lymph You make me feel like a nymph Dancing naked through a facial paradise Arhur Lymph A legend in his own life-time
Arthur Lymph You make me feel like a symph- ony, playing on and on right throught the ni-ay-ight Right through the night Alright?
(take it to the bridge now) Oh sit yourself at my 'round table' Kiss my lips if you are able We'll make dermatological luuuuurve Right through the night That's right Oh yeah...
Arthur Lymphatic Makeup is a beautiful paean to longing, hope and manipulation, as Starbuck's character presents his audition tape for the competition that would change his life forever - the prize being a weekend at Lymphatic's country mansion for the launch of his top secret new product, a make-up that will be a dermatological fountain of youth. However the transvestite Powersurge has more earthy intentions for the weekend...
Give me some more chemicals Some blood, but please don't squirm Give me a dime and a lot of time And just a smidgeon of sperm Give me all your cash and then Just perhaps and maybe I'll mix up in a couple of weeks Your very own Test-tube baby!
(refrain) Test-tube baby She's growing up in all the right places Test-tube babies Wearing my concoctions [leers suggestively] all over their faces.
Hormone Hell's rocking piece of opening music Test Tube Baby also provides the attentive viewer with some valuable clues, helping to reveal details of the sordid backstory behind Arthur Lymphatic's age-defeating make-up.