VSX, A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist: Starbuck Powersurge - a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of Viper Squad Ten, a long-disbanded group of stranded timetravelling troubadours, formed to help finance repairs to their time-machine. Now very much stuck in C21...
All text is copyright the Viper Squad Ten blog team 2003-2006 unless otherwise quoted or credited. If we've not credited you properly, please let me know. Throw us a link if you're desperate enough to use this guff...
Dexterity: 3, Wisdom: 5, Intelligence: 7, Strength: 11
Quickly clocking in just to flesh out for the world the extent of my complete crapness:
In the winter I tend to wear a scarf every day. I also carry around my neck a large black manbag whenever I'm out and about.
9 out of 10 times when I try to take my bag off whilst so adorned, I end up almost strangling myself when my bag gets wrapped in my scarf! It ends up looking like a scene out of Fight Club, with me trying to pull my scarf up above my neck, thus almost lifting myself up off the floor by the front of my neck due to it being weighted down by my bag.
To get the picture, imagine Uncle Starbuck wrestling with Emu. And that's not just an obscene figure of speech!
I'm rubbish when it comes to getting caught up in things. I sometimes wear my walkman in the supermarket, and the last time I ended up with the headphones snagged in the shopping basket, leaving me having to crouch down on the floor to take a phone-call on my mobile, looking for all the world like I was making a dirty protest against globalisation!
"I've been waiting for music like this all my life"
Ah, this is bliss. Fished from the bargain bin, it's the Orb's seminal 1992 magnus opus "U.F. Orb", and sounding better than ever.
I'd not listened to this in well over 10 years, back before some American decided that dance music should be called "electronica", and before a ginger-haired spikey-bearded toss-bag that I used to be acquainted with nicked my copy at a party sometime early last decade. The git.
Next task - digging up the 40 minute uninterrupted "Blue Room" single. I escaped so far into that as a "young adult" that I nearly lost myself...
20% discount at Borders and Books etc
Now I don't think this is a hoax. But its still a piece of unsolicited chain spam, forwarded on by friends and family, and as such it has had a markedly negative marketing effect on old Starbuck, who resents such cynical viral practices, and has now resolved to never shop at Borders again.
"Send it to everyone in your address book and ask them to send it on to everyone in their address book!"
Pah! I urge you to join the boycott. Book-selling bastids!
Next week sees the all new 5 day Friends and Family discount event. We've doubled the number of days this fantastic 20% discount* offer is available to your friends and family - giving them greater flexibility around when they can enjoy the offer.
The key to the sales success of this activity is incremental purchases from as many new customers as possible - so the simple message is.....
PASS THIS ON NOW!!
Send it to everyone in your address book and ask them to send it on to everyone in their address book! There are NO restrictions on how many people this reaches - the more the merrier! This message is prominent on the coupon below - but make sure, in this age of spam, that in your forwarding message you personally reiterate that it is ok to pass it on.
For a full list of our Borders and Books etc store locations please click on http://bordersstores.co.uk/storefinder/
Many thanks and wishing you great experience with Friends and Family 2006.
*off all full priced items - conditions apply, see voucher
Weddings - celebrity, civvy, or otherwise
The close member of the Powersurge family referred to on Saturday was so excited about appearing on the pages of her favourite blog that she's back on VSX again today.
Even more excited than her impending appearance as an honoured guest at the celebrity wedding of the decade, I'd imagine.
I'll make sure to report (by proxy) on all (some) of the happenings (legal permission and familial consent pending).
The venue - CONFIDENTIAL - RELEASE DENIED - looks fantastic - its where DETAILS OF PREVIOUS CELEBRITY BOOKINGS REMOVED ON LEGAL ADVICE
The theme will be a fancy dress costume ball with a DISSEMINATION OF THEATRICAL STYLE PROHIBITED theme.
Sadly cameras won't be allowed into the venue, so I'll have to rely on NAMES WITHELD ON PRIVACY GROUNDS's Court Artistry skills for pictures.
As such I won't be able to FURNISH these pages with EXCLUSIVE photography for the tabloids to fight over.
CENSORED and CENSORED will of course be hoping that their choice of costume will outdo that worn by Elton John and His Partner David FURNISH, however... do you geddit?
Now I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you this...
... but a very close member of the extended Powersurge clan has been invited to the wedding reception of one of the biggest names (he's certainly not Little) in British television comedy. Yikes!
Quickie reviews - film and comedy
Right, I've been very time-poor recently (and I've got 269 "unopened" emails - checked but not actioned - to deal with!). But I've been to see some good stuff recently.
So without further ado, here's the crappy post-event notes that I've found sketched on my mobile phone:
Children Of Men (official site link) An angry film but with a glimmer of hope. Humanity is barren, the effect on humanity stark.Utterly believable portayal of 2027 Britain - style, design, and technology different in ways that are subtle but infiltrating everything. Timely. Social policy. Britain is closed. Attitudes. Police state. Foreign policy coming home. Guerilla war on the British Isles. Some chilling echoes from modern happenings.Violence brutal but realistic. Extrapolation of foreign and home policy. Hard-going. Thrilling. Beautiful. Will live on in your thoughts and dreams. Where there's children there's hope.
A Scanner Darkly (IMDB link) Yorke: "This is fucked up, fucked up..." Not that fucked up, but interesting all the same. Dialogue expression very Linklater. Gorgeously treated visuals. Keanu squared.
Alan Carr 2006 tour Very funny stand-up from the likeable host of blah blah. Not Jimmy. Equalled by unexpectedly-fab support act Jon Richardson.
The Two Faces of Mitchell and Web - 2006 tour Live facsimile of the sketches already seen recently on the telly. More new stuff would've been brilliant - the crowd were subdued following sketches they knew inside out (a cheated air?). But enjoyable all the same. Still better than being in your living room. And Robert Webb's Hard Talk audience interaction set the audience on fire by comparison. The other two who weren't Mitchell and Webb were (though no Olivia Colman when we saw them).
Adam Hills - Characterful tour The best of the lot, I reckon. Or the most recent at any rate. Listen to his website, because forsooth it tells the truth: "Adam Hills is one of Australia's most talented and widely respected comedians. His unique style of positive, uplifting comedy and rampant spontaneity have won him universal acclaim, rave reviews, awards, and a legion of fans throughout Australia, Great Britain, Ireland, Europe"
They're Not Celebrities Get Them Out Of There
 Except Jason Donovan.
Watching David Gest on the aforementioned reality rainforest-em-up TV show I can't help but wonder... he looks EXACTLY like Huey Morganfrom the Fun Lovin Criminals. Unexpectedly he sounds just like him as well. I think it **may** be him.
And whilst I'm talking about music-alikes, that Bones song by The Killers... doesn't it sound just like The Divine Comedy. Its not just that it sounds like Brandon Flowers has been replaced by Neil Hannon, but the entire band as well. With a guest keyboard player on secondment from Chucklevision soundtrack duties.
[Previous I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here lookalike - HERE]
BUY ME STUFF!
I'm a real time-pauper at present, but lets face it, I'm paid by the word to enlighten you, so here's bunch of cheap and easy words.
As is tradition at this time of year, I am releasing upon the world a copy of my Christmas Wishlist for your delectation. The more VSXsive amongst you will have noticed that some of these items have been hanging around my wishlists for a long time. These people should get out more.
Links lead to the relevant Amazon page, should you be feeling generous yourself! All items are CDs unless otherwise stated. Aside from the broadbrush descriptors, these are in no particular order (I refer you to the first paragraph above)...
Voodoo Chilli. And crackers.
I rather finely cut up some red chilli peppers as part of dinner preparations last night.
Yesterday it was just my fingers that were stinging. Today large patches of skin across my body are tingling. My face, my arms. My right inner ear is throbbing. I'm streaming, from the eyes, from the nose. These fingers of mine must get everywhere. Its a good job I didn't give Starbucketta a Powersurge last night! And yes, my doodah appears to be intact, thank you very much.
Funnily enough the only place I'm not tingling or streaming is my gastrointestinal tract. Whats that all about then?
Best ever lighthearted German metal band. But I digress.
Halloween passed without incident. I'd stocked up on Jelly Babies and Wine Gums in case any little terrors decided to terrorise us. I then proceeded to spend most of the evening (a) at work, (b) at the supermarket, and (c) in a darkened room with the lights off.
Nary a trick or treater managed to neither trick nor treated within the narrow window of opportunity that I had left open that foul night, and our household now holds enough confectionary to hopefully see us through the impending apocalypse.