As the H5N1 bird flu strain spreads into Europe, inching ever-closer to my home country , I find myself at lunchtime succumbing to the irrationality of fear.
Most working days I share my lunch with a gaggle of Canada Geese, a gang of Mallard ducks, and the odd moorhen. As with most of our feathered friends, they tend to get a bit messy (fecescious?) when over-excited, and there's such a riot of them that the air can sometimes be thick with the powder of pulverised faesces, the vector of their infection.
Now I know that there's presently nothing for me to worry about in the UK, I know that worry about anything does more harm than good, and that anyway our good friend the Canada Goose isn't too fond of migrating beyond these pleasant isles.
But still, today I found myself HISSING at the geese and ducks - hungry for my shami kebab - to keep them at bay. (But then again I was pretty ravenous as well...)
Congratulations on your recent nuptials. Sorry I couldn't be there I must have misplaced your invitation, anyway I see you have taken a child bride and a beautiful one at that. Any chance of seeing the rest of that bridesmaid with the quite wonderful cleavage? Once again well done and all the best to your new wife. What a change from the old one!