New workplace
Starbuck [18:49]
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OK OK, I know that copy-pasting from meme-y emails is lazy practice, and its probably old enough to have already been seen on more VDU's than Windows Update, but its been a busy old weekend (DJ Tim & the missus travelled up to help dog-sit), and its not getting any less busy (in a wedding planner styley) now they've gone. Also: it made me cough up a few laughs from deep down in my belly. I'm easily amused, you see. And bitter. So here it is.
ESSENTIAL NEW WORDS FOR THE WORK-PLACE ENVIRONMENT
TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed, or a project failed, and exactly who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement - by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and peoples' heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. Also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whining all the time.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for nicking free photocopies from one's workplace.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarified organisational layers that start just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found"(meaning that the requested document could not be located).
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule moment in time when you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've just hit 'reply all').
WOOFies: Well Off Older Folk.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the ensuing sounds of dismay and disgust. Usually leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.