- Viper Squad Ten -

Viper Squad Ten

We're from the future. And we're stuck....

......VSX...... ......Been a little bit quiet lately......

VSX, A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist: Starbuck Powersurge - a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of Viper Squad Ten, a long-disbanded group of stranded timetravelling troubadours, formed to help finance repairs to their time-machine. Now very much stuck in C21...

Sometimes guest editors: Mr Stu and DJ Tim.

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Dexter Season 4 finale review
Now that's magic!
Inception
I did this!
Frank Sidebottom RIP
Lost - The End - an atheist's viewpoint
Viper Squad Ten - the return
[breath drawn]
[rib cage expands outwards]
[intercostal muscles contract]

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All text is copyright the Viper Squad Ten blog team 2003-2006 unless otherwise quoted or credited. If we've not credited you properly, please let me know. Throw us a link if you're desperate enough to use this guff...

[ VSX Latest ]

[ Saturday, October 28, 2006 ]

This is a low
Starbuck [17:55] Comments: 2 []

But without them we wouldn't have the high

Comments: 2

[ Friday, October 27, 2006 ]

I've never been so insulted in all my life!
Starbuck [12:59] Comments: 9 []

Quite literally.

The following Comment was made in response to one of those purposely rubbish and inconsequential pieces that I sometimes write to keep my ego well flagellated, whereby I had the temerity to disrespect Joe Pasquale's Price Is Right, and Astolath had chipped in by calling Pasquale a squeaky-voiced gynaecological swearword.

Anonymous Comment

Well actually the way your speaking your starting to sound like a squeky c**t so i suggest do you have lots of money whats that oh no well then maybe you should become a comedian you cheeky criticising and stupid starbuck s******e

(sic)

May I thank the author for his or her delectable Comment. An incisive correlation between wealth and worth, and a bewildering use of asterisks ("s******e"?)

Comments: 9

[ Monday, October 23, 2006 ]

Torchwood - new series
Starbuck [18:20] Comments: 3 []

I like it. They make the entire second series of The All New Doctor Who an advert for the Torchwood spin-off series, get all of the kiddies involved with spotting the hidden Torchwood references seeded throughout the series, and then make the spin-off unsuitable for the little 'uns. Heh!

Violence and bad language are one thing, but I'm not sure what my nephew will make of an alien possessing a human so she can feed off the energy released in the male orgasm. I certainly wouldn't want to be watching it with him to explain the masturbating nightclub Bouncer watching the possessed human literally shagging her hapless prey to death, or what she was doing to the sperm donors at the clinic...

Whatever, this man-size viewer thought it was utterly brilliant! I just hope it doesn't make Doctor Who start to look a little tame, considering that also prides itself on its scares.

Comments: 3

[ Wednesday, October 18, 2006 ]

Soundalikes
Starbuck [19:31] Comments: 0 []

Is it just me, or does that new single by The Killers ("When You Were Young") sound just like Meatloaf?

And does that horrible My Chemical Romance track ("Welcome To The Black Parade") sound just like Steve Vai?

And did that Richard Ashcroft one from a while back sound uncomfortably like Jon Bon Jovi?

The bad rock revival continues...

Comments: 0

Thinly veiled hypocrisy
Starbuck [13:31] Comments: 1 []

Old VSX hands will know my harshly-rational opinions on those affiliated (afflicted?) with religion. Nothing to add to that here - I'll spare your well-jointed noses.

Whatever your views on religion, what's really narking me off right now is the current debate on the Muslim veil.

The "debate" as it stands is being drowned out by the illiberal rantings coming from the media and opportunist politicians, yet another excuse for thinly-veiled Islamophobia.

I tell you, its enough to make me this non-Muslim want to go for Hajj.

And that is the point. Everything is becoming more polarised.

Comments: 1

[ Tuesday, October 17, 2006 ]

The three things I don't like about Spooks are...
Starbuck [13:00] Comments: 0 []

The fact that the soundtrack goes all Eastern (Near / Middle as opposed to Far) whenever there's an Islamist slant to the storyline.

Its a lazy broadbrush stereotype - perhaps a cinematic attempt to fathom the zen-like thought trance within the hypnotised mind of the suicide bomber, but both wrong and unneccesary. And it brings to my mind the kebab shop down the road (another broadbrush stereotype, I know, but I'm not a spy drama.)

Aside from that, brilliant soundtrack.
The non-appliance of science. Each time the techonology envelope is pushed slightly further outward, from that moment onwards I end up wondering why they don't use this incredible gadget or that handy algorhythm in future episodes.

Last series it was some amazing sort of bug that could be secreted just about anywhere that really got my goat (Gary) more than it deserved. Last night it was two things - a gamma aminobutyric acid derivative which knocks out your prey and makes them hypersuggestive when they awaken, and the two-way transmitter injected and attached to the bones of one's skull, making it invisible and utterly soundless in output.

The spectre of James Bond and his Invisible Car rises...
The sheer fact that it doesn't have Henry from Neighbours, Marcus Tandy, Jan from Howards Way, the wife of Marty Hopkirk (deceased), or Ros from Bugs in it.

Comments: 0

[ Monday, October 16, 2006 ]

Got the painters in
Starbuck [20:38] Comments: 4 []

We'll be painting the bathroom this week. Yellow with cracks is just so last season.

Colour choices currently are:

Crown Aqua Source
Crown Azure
Crown Cool Aqua
Dulux Eden
Something else

Mrs Powersurge won't have it, but personally I'm just loving the "big squares of sample colour on yellow background" pattern that has been in effect since yesterday!

Comments: 4

[ Friday, October 13, 2006 ]

Ricky Gervais will eat himself
Starbuck [13:47] Comments: 8 []

It's the great debate that's sweeping the nation* every Thursday night.

Has Extras become an embarrassing celeb-driven parody of itself, as previously witnessed with the sitcoms Absolutely Fabulous and When The Whistle Blows?

Or is it a squirm-inducing self-observational comedy masterclass**?

* as evidenced by the sample population of myself and co-editor Stu, participants in a weekly SMS debate.

** Or is it, as per the extent of my own participation in this weekly debate, that "I've not watched it yet.

Also on Starbuck's Top of the Box chart at the moment:

Robin Hood (though Keigh Chegwin will always be the definitive Hood for me)
Spooks (showing that the Brits can produce quality slick US-style dramas and STILL knock the government and security forces at every opportunity)
Jane Eyre (fantastic adaptation, and Ruth Wilson and Toby Stephens have been wonderful)
That Mitchell & Webb Look (normally playing a central role in the Extras as funny debate)
Lead Balloon (well, its Jack Dee trying to do Curb Your Enthusiasm - how could I resist? Apart from this week, when I was doing something better.)

Comments: 8

[ Wednesday, October 11, 2006 ]

Internal jukebox update
Starbuck [17:51] Comments: 0 []

I can't make it stop... I've thought about lobotomising myself with my umbrella... someone help...

On my internal jukebox today:

The theme tune to kids TV gameshow Fun House (you know, the one starring Pat Sharp's mullet and "the twins"), mashed up with pieces of the theme to B.J. and the Bear, and climaxing with long-forgotten crappy Seventies cartoon travety Baggy Pants and the Nitwits.

My god, I must really hate myself...

Fun House... it's a whole lot of fun, prizes to be won,
It's a real crazy show where anything can go.
Fun House... it's a quiz, it's a race, a real wacky place,
Use your body and your brain if you wanna play the game!

Da da da da he's goin' everywhere,
He's B.J. McKay and his best friend Bear.

No it's BaggyPants and the... NitWits.

Incidentally, but not entirely interestingly, I've just noticed that the tune and lyrics to top sitcom Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere "bear" suspicious similarities to the themetune to BJ and the Bear...

B.J. and the Bear (music by Glen A. Larson)

Hey there where ya goin',
Not exactly knowin'
Who says you have to call just one place home.
He's goin' everywhere,
He's B.J. McKay and his best friend Bear.
He just keeps on movin', Ladies keep improvin'
Every day is better than the last.

New dreams and better scenes,
And best of all I don't pay property tax.
Rollin' down to Dallas,
My wheels providin' my palace,
Off to New Orleans or who knows where.
Places new and ladies, too,
I'm B.J. McKay and this is my best friend Bear.

He's goin' everywhere,
He's B.J. McKay and his best friend Bear.
He just keeps on movin',
Ladies keep improvin'
Every day is better than the last.
Etc.

Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere (music by Peter Kay)

Don't know where we're going,
Got no way of knowing,
Driving on the road to nowhere

Sponging for a living,
Checking out the women,
Riding on the road to nowhere

And we don't take shit from anyone,
The only the thing we wanna do is have some fun

We're Max and Paddy,
Paddy and Max

And best of all we dont pay council tax!

Time to find a loaded umbrella...

Comments: 0

[ Friday, October 06, 2006 ]

Arthur Lymphatic Make-up (from the Hormone Hell OST)
Starbuck [13:17] Comments: 0 []

[interior; seated]

I woke up in the morning
Wiped my hands across my face
Took a look in the mirror
Everything's looking out of place
Took a little shower
Drank coffee from a champagne flavoured cup
But before I put on my clothes
I put on my Arthur Lymphatic make-up

[scene cuts to the grounds of Arthur's mansion, as the longful transvestite skips through the gardens, stopping occasionally to smell the flowers]

[repeat first verse]

Arthur Lymph
You make me feel like a nymph
Dancing naked through a facial paradise
Arhur Lymph
A legend in his own life-time

Arthur Lymph
You make me feel like a symph-
ony, playing on and on right throught the ni-ay-ight
Right through the night
Alright?

(take it to the bridge now)
Oh sit yourself at my 'round table'
Kiss my lips if you are able
We'll make dermatological luuuuurve
Right through the night
That's right
Oh yeah...

[SP bounds off into the distance]

Lyrics: Princess Valium
Music: Princess Valium, Commander Aardvark, Starbuck Powersurge, Durm Chamine, Older Broady, Older Broady's Mate

Arthur Lymphatic Makeup is a beautiful paean to longing, hope and manipulation, as Starbuck's character presents his audition tape for the competition that would change his life forever - the prize being a weekend at Lymphatic's country mansion for the launch of his top secret new product, a make-up that will be a dermatological fountain of youth. However the transvestite Powersurge has more earthy intentions for the weekend...

Comments: 0

B-b-baby congratulations
Starbuck [12:20] Comments: 0 []

Aurora from Animal Crossing says: Congratulations to the TrishTim unit on the b-b-birth of their news-b-born b-b-baby .

Comments: 0

[ Wednesday, October 04, 2006 ]

Test-tube Baby (from the Hormone Hell OST)
Starbuck [20:35] Comments: 1 []

aah ha ha ha ha!
Eeeh he he he hee!
[screams]

Give me some more chemicals
Some blood, but please don't squirm
Give me a dime
and a lot of time
And just a smidgeon of sperm
Give me all your cash and then
Just perhaps and maybe
I'll mix up in a couple of weeks
Your very own
Test-tube baby!

(refrain)
Test-tube baby
She's growing up in all the right places
Test-tube babies
Wearing my concoctions [leers suggestively] all over their faces.

Lyrics: Princess Valium
Music: Princess Valium, Commander Aardvark, Starbuck Powersurge, Durm Chamine, Older Broady, Older Broady's Mate

Hormone Hell's rocking piece of opening music Test Tube Baby also provides the attentive viewer with some valuable clues, helping to reveal details of the sordid backstory behind Arthur Lymphatic's age-defeating make-up.

Comments: 1