Viper Squad Ten

[ Monday, December 22, 2003 ]

Stuart [11:52] Comments: 0 []
Firstly, thanks for the birthday wishes, Illustrious Leader. I had a lovely birthday and the best present I got was a Hulk Hand. It was meant to be a bath mit but it was instead employed to hold pints in the pub, hold my mobile phone, hold a fag, and generally hold anything funny, which was quite a lot of things, in a way that only a big puffy green hand can do.

Secondly, and more importantly, is to get reciprocal on yo’ ass, Starbuck, and wish you a happy birthday too, for today! I hope you get a hulk hand.

Thirdly, let us rejoice, forsooth, as indeed it came to pass that the erstwhile rank-outsider and Most Miserable Christmas Number One Song Ever did come to be the Christmas Number One, and the Lord heard it on the chart run down, and he heard it was good.

We did it, boys and girls! Never before has the chart been such a barometer for the mood of a nation. For, it is indeed, no messing, a mad world. He says rather obviously. You have to take a certain amount of perverse pleasure in knowing that the Chrimbo (AARAGGGHHH) Number One’s chorus goes “the dreams I have of dying are the best I ever had”. Who’d have thought it?

Fourthly, I finally saw Pirates of the Caribbean last night and I was distinctly underwhelmed. Like, Johnny Depp isn’t THAT good. Action films that girls love usually have something wrong with them, and so it is here. And it has two of the most annoying “that wouldn’t really happen” bits in it of any film ever! One: Johnny Depp sliding down a rope on hand cuffs – HOW HOW HOW? And secondly, him and Orlando (swoon) walking on the ocean floor with the air bubble inside the upturned boat. I KNOW it shouldn’t be taken that seriously, but they really made me go – “wait a minute” and then break my suspension of disbelief.

Fifthly, we then watched the Actors, a little little Irish film with Dylan Moran and Michael Caine. Instantly forgettable, but quite nice, and made me want to petition C4 to release the second series of Black Books on DVD.

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