I'm a celebrity lookalike get me out of here
So I guess you want me to write something insightful about the new series of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, knowing that its just the sort of crud-fritter that I dip myself into and leave to gently fondue for a fortnight.
Urm, okay. Fair enough. Erm... John Lydon looks... just... like... Paul "former Dennis Pennis" Kaye. OK, its late. Forgive me for my lack of poetic expression. Or imagination. I think the sight of Kerry "too-neurotic-for-Atomic-Kitten" McFadden and Peter "vanker" Andre breathing the same airtime has burnt all the goodness out of my brain. Big-chested oxygen thieves, the both of them. Burn Australia Burn and all that. But only the bit of rainforest with them in it.
Talking about piss-poor lookalikes, did I ever mention the incredible similarity of Gollum to Albert Steptoe? Quite remarkable. Especially when they smile. Peter Jackson did well to overcome that misfortune of genetic conincidence.
Some people have said that I look like Dan Ackroyd or Tom Hanks. They were wrong. They now regret it. They no longer express such falsehoods. They no longer express full stop. Good night to them. And to you, my precious.